Life After Living Numb
by Regina Ann
For the second morning in a row I was aware, early morning before waking fully, of the song “Numb” playing in my head. Yesterday it cropped up throughout the day as well. Perhaps my soul is asking me to work out something that no longer fits me.
The song is about a guy who goes numb to cope with the conditional love of his parent or parents, how they are continuously disappointed in him and will not accept and love him for who he is. I SO relate and yeah, I did go numb. Numb was safe. Numb kept me from being emotional and vulnerable and it kept me from feeling the pain of my own expectations of what love should be between parent and child.
All these years I thought I was protecting myself from those emotional and verbal assaults and the consequential fallout. Now, I wonder - if I had let go of my expectations of how they should love me - if I had let go of my judgement of them for not loving me unconditionally - if I had let go of my judgement of myself for not being able to make them love me - would I have felt the need to go numb and how would my acceptance of what is and non-judgment have changed my experiences.
Rather than go back in time to conduct a study I can do my own research here and now because once you numb yourself “for protection” it becomes an automatic response and I am tired of being numb. Part of the reason for coming to this plane is to experience emotions and feelings, they are quite intriguing when you don’t. After numbing them down for so long it feels my soul is saying, “Hey, it’s time to tear down the walls and have the experiences you came here for - all of them. You know I love you, you know you are always protected and always taken care of, so get on with it and start letting yourself feel - emote - be vulnerable. At the same time let go of expectation and judgement. Notice how often the unpleasant emotions and feelings you experience are a result of your own expectations and judgement. Observe how your experiences unfold when you let go of expectation and judgement of yourself and others….it will be a fascinating study.” My soul knows me well ;)
So now that my soul and I have had this little convo, I wonder what song will be playing in my thoughts today and I wonder what it’s going to be like, Life After Living Numb? I’ll keep you posted…it’s going to be a Fun study :)
Love & Peace
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Regina Ann is the founder of Integrative Holistic Solutions offering Complimentary and Integrative Medicines, Healing Arts, and Lifestyle Coaching to assist you in achieving emotional, mental, physical, spiritual Well Being. Visit http://IntegrativeHolisticSolutions.com to learn more.
*All Rights Reserved